One Friday in December of 1957, a baby boy named Andrew was born to future Governor of New York Mario Cuomo. Before the umbilical cord was cut, before little Andy even learned how to cry, he uttered his first word. “TAX!”. The doctors and nurses shrugged it off, thinking it was just a random sound coming out of the newborn’s mouth. Little did they know, it was no fluke.
Tax quickly became Andy’s favorite word. It became part of his daily routine. It was the first word he said when he woke up, and the last he said before he went to bed. He spoke of taxes and how they should be raised almost the entire day. Once Andrew grew up and finally attained the title of Emperor of the Formerly Great State of New York, following in his father’s footsteps. In his new position, he finally saw a golden opportunity to do what he wanted to since birth: make more taxes. As Emperor, he used the newly obtained tax money to fund private businesses, hand out excessive welfare payments, fund the legal defenses for illegal aliens, and build a replacement to the Tappan Zee Bridge, among other things. The bridge was vastly expensive, over four times the cost of the original bridge adjusted for inflation. Considering that he is now emperor, and he could do whatever he pleased, he named the bridge after his father, with the disapproval of almost every local resident he supposedly represents. While driving a priceless antique car across the bridge to dedicate it, all he could think about was taxes, taxes, and more taxes (and less guns).
It was proven that New York is the highest taxed state in the union, and Andy was pleased. He took in so much tax money, and spent all of it. He proceeded to realize that after spending all of this money on useless shit, he had no money left. One would think that with the population of his Empire at the fourth highest out of any state in this country, and the tax rate at the absolute highest, the Empire would be swimming in money. Nope, it’s all gone. He needed to think of a plan quick. Instead of taxing people more (what am I thinking, of course he will do that as well), he decided to implement his second favorite thing, which is similar enough to taxes: tolls. He proposed charging every vehicle that enters Manhattan a modest and affordable fee of twelve dollars. He proposed this plan as a way to reduce congestion, but everyone with a singular brain cell knows his true intentions: to milk his subjects for everything they are worth.
The newly elected President of the United States, Donald J. Trump, a subject of Emperor Cuomo, realized that the taxes in the United States of America were too high. His predecessor, Barack Hussein Obama, had a similar philosophy to New York’s Emperor. The President did his part in rallying the Congress to pass a bill that will reduce taxes throughout the federal government. This new policy takes into account the states with high taxes, giving them a rougher deal with deductions as incentive to the governors of the highly-taxed states to reduce the burden on their people. This did not sit well with Emperor Cuomo. He felt that the President’s plan to reduce federal taxes and expose the states that tax their people into oblivion was unfair to him. He decided to do what any good democrat would do: sue the federal government over a totally legal and constitutional action just because his feelings were hurt.
The Emperor is up for re-election this November. He is not worried. He knows and trusts that the liberals of New York City will vote him in again, so his reign may continue, much to the dismay of almost every single one of his subjects living outside of the five boroughs.
I could do another one about the (un)SAFE act if you guys want.
Tax quickly became Andy’s favorite word. It became part of his daily routine. It was the first word he said when he woke up, and the last he said before he went to bed. He spoke of taxes and how they should be raised almost the entire day. Once Andrew grew up and finally attained the title of Emperor of the Formerly Great State of New York, following in his father’s footsteps. In his new position, he finally saw a golden opportunity to do what he wanted to since birth: make more taxes. As Emperor, he used the newly obtained tax money to fund private businesses, hand out excessive welfare payments, fund the legal defenses for illegal aliens, and build a replacement to the Tappan Zee Bridge, among other things. The bridge was vastly expensive, over four times the cost of the original bridge adjusted for inflation. Considering that he is now emperor, and he could do whatever he pleased, he named the bridge after his father, with the disapproval of almost every local resident he supposedly represents. While driving a priceless antique car across the bridge to dedicate it, all he could think about was taxes, taxes, and more taxes (and less guns).
It was proven that New York is the highest taxed state in the union, and Andy was pleased. He took in so much tax money, and spent all of it. He proceeded to realize that after spending all of this money on useless shit, he had no money left. One would think that with the population of his Empire at the fourth highest out of any state in this country, and the tax rate at the absolute highest, the Empire would be swimming in money. Nope, it’s all gone. He needed to think of a plan quick. Instead of taxing people more (what am I thinking, of course he will do that as well), he decided to implement his second favorite thing, which is similar enough to taxes: tolls. He proposed charging every vehicle that enters Manhattan a modest and affordable fee of twelve dollars. He proposed this plan as a way to reduce congestion, but everyone with a singular brain cell knows his true intentions: to milk his subjects for everything they are worth.
The newly elected President of the United States, Donald J. Trump, a subject of Emperor Cuomo, realized that the taxes in the United States of America were too high. His predecessor, Barack Hussein Obama, had a similar philosophy to New York’s Emperor. The President did his part in rallying the Congress to pass a bill that will reduce taxes throughout the federal government. This new policy takes into account the states with high taxes, giving them a rougher deal with deductions as incentive to the governors of the highly-taxed states to reduce the burden on their people. This did not sit well with Emperor Cuomo. He felt that the President’s plan to reduce federal taxes and expose the states that tax their people into oblivion was unfair to him. He decided to do what any good democrat would do: sue the federal government over a totally legal and constitutional action just because his feelings were hurt.
The Emperor is up for re-election this November. He is not worried. He knows and trusts that the liberals of New York City will vote him in again, so his reign may continue, much to the dismay of almost every single one of his subjects living outside of the five boroughs.
Code:
FFFFFFFFF UU UU AAA CCCCCCC
FF UU UU AA AA CC
FF UU UU AA AA CC
FFFFFFFFF UU UU AAAAAAAAA CC
FF UU UU AA AA CC
FF UU UU AA AA CC
FF UUUUUU AA AA CCCCCCCI could do another one about the (un)SAFE act if you guys want.
