Political Picture thread. (humor/memes/etc)

byron · Apr 13, 2021

HOW LIBERALS CAME ABOUT

Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic
hunters/gatherers.
They lived on deer in the
mountains during the summer and would go to
the coast and live on fish and lobster in
the winter.
The two most important inventions in all history were the invention of beer and the invention of the wheel.
The wheel was invented to get man to the beer. These were the foundation
of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of
humanity into two distinct subgroups:
1. Liberals
2. Conservatives.
Once
beer was discovered, it required grain and
that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor
aluminum can were invented yet, so while our
early humans were sitting around waiting for them to be
invented, they just stayed close to the brewery.
That's how villages were formed.
Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to BBQ at
night while they were drinking
beer. This was the beginning of what is known as the Conservative
movement...
Other
men who were weaker and less skilled at
hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the
nightly
BBQ's and doing the sewing, fetching, and hair dressing. This was the
beginning of the
Liberal movement.
Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. They
became known as girlie-men. Some
noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the
invention of
group therapy, group hugs, and the
concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide
the meat and beer that
conservatives provided.
Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the
largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are
symbolized by the jackass for obvious reasons.
Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most
prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They
eat raw fish but like their beef well done.
Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare... Another
interesting
evolutionary side note: most of their women have higher testosterone
levels
than their men. Most social workers, personal injury attorneys,
journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists
are liberals. Liberals invented the
designated hitter rule because it wasn't fair to make the
pitcher also bat.
Conservatives drink domestic beer, mostly Bud or
Miller. They eat red meat and still
provide for their women. Conservatives are big game hunters, rodeo
cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police
officers, engineers, corporate executives,
athletes, members of the military, fighter pilots
and generally anyone who works productively.
Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who
want to work for a living.
Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the
producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe
Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the
liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America...
They crept in after the Wild West
was tamed and created a business of trying to get more for nothing.
Here ends today's lesson in world history:
It should be noted that a Liberal may have a momentary urge to angrily
respond to the above before forwarding it.
A Conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced of the
absolute truth of
this history that it will be forwarded immediately to other true believers
and to more liberals just
to piss them off.
And there you have it. Let your next action reveal your true
self... I'm going to have another beer.